Just say yes by snow patrol

1st song on my playlist in this blog

I'm running out of ways to make you see
I want you to stay here beside me
I won't be ok and I won't pretend I am
So just tell me today and take my hand
Please take my hand
Please take my hand

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind
Only love

It's so simple and you know it is
You know it is, yeah
We can't be to and fro like this
All our lives
You're the only way to me
The path is clear
What do I have to say to you
For Gods sake, dear
For Gods sake, dear
For Gods sake, dear
For Gods sake, dear
For Gods sake, dear

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind
Only love

Just say yes, coz Im aching and I know you are too
For the touch of your warm skin
As I breathe you in

I can feel your heart beat through my shirt
This was all I wanted, all I want
Its all I want
Its all I want
Its all I want
Its all I want

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind
Only love

Just say yes, coz Im aching and I know you are too
For the touch of your warm skin
As I breathe you in

When things goes wrong....

...... you just gonna take a good look at yourself first before pointing fingers at other outside factors and other people. Because most of the time.... the actual person to blame and fault is nobody else but you yourself.

Yes. Me....

But i only gave myself 5 mins of time to feel remorse about it. After that.... lets just move on. And be a better person... by doing so... its the best apology you can give to whoever who deserves it.

Anyway... life goes on... doesn't it?

The empty feeling.

Dont ask me i dont know why myself.

Why im feeling empty. Like.... missing something important in my life but yet cant figure out what it is.

Sometimes i can feel really happy, but among the happiness i felt, there is this empty feeling lurking around behind it.

What is missing in me?


By the way... Ryan has returned from china! woohooo! haha.

Watched ninja assassin with ryan today at cathay. It was a really cool and nice movie. All the actions.... fantastic! Had aston for early dinner before our movie and went to vivocity after that. We had a common hobby.... eyeballing attractive girls :D

Haha! Its a nice outing anyway :)

:(

Went out to celebrate jin qin's birthday... supposed to be happy event...

but...

i lost my mp3... with my expensive earphone...

sian.

no mood to elaborate any further

sighs

Judge.

Who am i to judge others... ?


The person i should judge is me myself...


Many things left to change in me

Its just me.

Its not with others.

The problems doesnt lies with others.

It lies with me.

Paranoid... paranoid and more paranoid. When did i become so... paranoid?



Hope somebody up there will give me a chance in life.

Train train train

I want to have a killer bod. Much more work to be done... argh...

That hopeless feeling

Ever felt powerless? hopeless? and answer-less?

My fate is hanging on the thread and the verdict that will affect my life is yet to come... but surely coming. Living every day feeling uncertain. That day... i dread it coming. How i wish i could just find myself awoke in a snap of a finger just to find that its just a long terrifying nightmare.

Dont wanna contact anybody... Just wanna try this method... of keeping stuff to myself, cause it doesnt matter if i shared or not... the day will still come.

Im just somebody ordinary

"we are just normal people, why must we think too much and stress yourself, make yourself feel terrible over the things that are not confirmed and things that you cant control?"

Realised i havnt been seeing myself as someone ordinary... i really should now.

Work hard kelvin...

:)

A change

There are a few things i hope to change in me....

... and some things i wanna keep in me

I must learn how to control my emotions

learn to be more open and easy on my on-goings

And learn to let go of anything if required

I just wanna be a better person, for others but most importantly... myself

School fee

Wah.. paid school fee yesterday.

bank account was like suffered a atomic bomb blast. Now left with barely anything. haha!

No worries... the rebuilding process starts now. Aiming to reach a new milestone in numbers yet again :)

Short hair!

Omg im feeling so comfortable now... short hair... cooling... easy to style... dont really need to care much...

Army days... haha! :D

A quiz that shakens me.

I done a quiz a few days ago... a quiz that spawns random love qoutes for you. And i got one which shakes me awake... really hard till today it's still repeating in my head non stop....

here is the qoute..

"Someone asked me, "Why do you keep loving someone who doesn't love you back? There are tons of fish in the water." I simply replied, "Just because it's also water, would you drink from the sea?"

Thats me.

thanks guys!

Thank you for being present to spend my bday with me.

Althou its nothing but simple outing, but its just the way i like it... simple!

There are some who had exams the following day and some having exam somewhere ard the corner... but they too made the effort to be there. Im really touched. Thanks people :)

I wont take anything for granted. You guys are great.

I might not show it, but im really touched.

Thanks for the presents too... but im sorry to say it is not the best present i received, cause the best present i received for my 21st birthday today is you people's effort to make your attendance available for me. (be it people whom have exams to people who took leave from work just for me).


:D



went to cathay to have sushi buffet with friends, the place is ok, but the food is great. better than sakae, thanks for your recommendation sue! haha. And went to PC bunk for a round of left4dead while waiting for our movie timing to come.... watched saw 6, coincidently its only in army that i watched all saw movie episodes from saw 1 all the way to saw 5. To people who had not watched, they may think its all about blood, intestines flying out, brain exploding and all the gores. But its not... theres a story behind it, and the amazingly twist and turns in the movie. Still im surprised that there were many female audiences. Saw 6 is a good movie overall, but its not as hardcore as the previous episode. As in there is lesser gore in this latest movies compared to the previous few.... But still its not for the weak heart people :D


Left to right: Zheng long, Jin long, Me, Royston, Aaron and Jin Qin

Dinner with family

For my birthday. My favourite stingray and dishes... :)


My sister and me

Edited post

After much thinking i think i should just delete my previous implusive post.

Alright. I got the right guess... saw how you and your new guy is enjoying life.

Since you believe that he will be more successful than me... so be it

But i beg to differ. I have 4 more years on my side. 4 more years down the road, at your bf's age. I will be much more well off than he is now.

And after reading your blog, i think you are more suitable to him than to me, because i deserve a better girl than you.

I can forgive you and i should as a guy. but i can never forget... some things.

But still all the best with you and your new guy. All the best

Burning fire

As each day passes i felt hotter... im on fire... motivations sets in and keeps increasing.

Felt like im going to explode. Cant wait to start my roadmap for my future.


Had been training my shoulder's muscle these few months.... hope to have better rounded and bigger shoulders haha!

Last year's birthday

I spent it with you.

This year it is gonna be very different. Instead of just you with me there will be loads of people :)

I like short hair, cause i perfer boyish looking guys. Guys should look like guys man....

But i was thinking...

Last year when i was still in army i had my hair short so i decided not to cut my hair and leave it longer... And i dont want to take pictures with the same kinda hair. This year is something new! yea.... (its not long anyway to my friends).

So yeah... cant wait... 4 more days

Last year's birthday with you, my smile ... will i smile better than this on this year birthday?

Chance

Chances come and go. Some are present cause they are created... some come out of no where just as a surprise.

I got one at work a few days on work, Am gonna do a follow up soon.

Wish me luck :)

Still hurts

Whenever i recall of my army days... you come into the picture...

whenever i don my green uniform i think of you

whenever i walk through the same way we used to take going back to camp you haunt me

You are part and parcel of my army life

Every single sweat and blood i shed in the army, i used you as my motivation

Every free time i can steal... i would call you to accompany you...

Because you complain how much you miss me and how i didnt have enough time for you when im in camp.... i tried my best to give u all the time i had.

Its been quite some time since you left me.... in a hurtful, confusing and humiliating way....

Even though you are not the prettiest gf i had

not the tallest gf i had

not the smartest gf i had

not the sweetest gf i had

not the most caring gf i had

but i still have to confess that you are the one i loved the most.... i gave you everything i had. everything you people can imagine.

because of you im broke,

because of you i had this distance with my friends.....

don't you know how upsetted i felt when i have to face my friends whom i neglected forcefully... how insecure i felt just because i wanna make you feel secured and how hard i worked for you and all the unnecessary stress i gave myself just for our future...

i guess you don't... cause less than 2 weeks after you are right there in another guy's arms.

While me... now... still alone.

Go away now will you.... stop haunting me. Im trying to exorcise you. One day i will... one day....

Blast your speaker!

Up your volume when in my blog! listen to this song!

Its like my primary 5 favourite boyband backstreet boys.

Oh my gosh... they are back with a bang. This song really makes me move my body...


Enjoy! :)

Will you fight for your country when required?

Somebody asked me this today.

I will without needing to think about it.

I may be complaining and whining about the trainings and everything but when the time comes i will not hesitate to pick up my arms and fight.

I will not hesitate to kill to protect the interest of my country. There are just so many things that i will protect for.... I love this place. And the people in it.

This is my laopo. Shes my enemy's nightmare :D

Female BFF

Is it possible for a guy and a girl to remain as really good friends... bff (best friend forever)... just that and nothing more?

This question is still on my mind. I had quite a number of female friends which most of them are nothing more than a hi-bye friend. It would be really cool and nice to have a female best friend.

thought i had one previously, but it ended up quite badly with her saying things behind my back....

Some will slowly fall for you...

And there are some really promising ones, everything was right but through time everything slowly fuzzies out and close friends turn into hi-bye friends....

Its an interesting topic to really think about.

It is not impossible, maybe its fate or just me that i have to reflect on myself on whats wrong with me. maybe the problem lies in me. Hmmm....

But i guess everybody will agree that its really hard... isnt it?

Dim sum and gang

My mom made some siew mai... those where you buy it frozen in the supermarkets. It was delicious ! Suddenly miss dim sum. lols

Oh my gosh there are just so many food im craving for...



Japan food, sushi... etc.

Thanks to a nice friend of mine who recommended me some sushi outlet im going there with my friends on my birthday. Cant wait till that day. countdown of 7 days starts long ago. :)

Yesshhh. Im crazy about food!

no yesterday. only today and tomorrow

I scored a double.... of been late 2 days in a row. Damn frustrating and embarrassing. Hope i won't be late tomorrow for work again. There are other better hat tricks to score than something like this.


Had been going out for lunch with the guys in the next office. They are rather senior in the company having work for years and attained a certain level of position in the company. Asked them lots of questions. I found out that I am all the while trying to fight with the rest comparing my time with others all this time.... Im still young but i make myself look like I'm in the mid 30s through my doom's day mentality. I make myself to be more dire than i actually is.

It's never too late. Theres a lot of things i planned for my future and the things i want to have and the kind of lifestyle i want to live.... It doesnt help when my family isnt rich. So everything is on me to crave something out of nothing by myself without any help from others. Its hard but i will do it. I give myself 10 years. 10 years after i wanna be at least somebody...

I want my children to not feel like how i feel now.


Its time to fight for my life.... my future

The question

I had a colleague of mine asking me this question randomly today

"so... kelvin... when are you going to get yourself a girlfriend?".

This sentence has popped up in front of my face for like quite a number
of times. And this week alone its the 5th time.

Hmm sounds like im some guy who is nearing forties and yet not married. LOL.
Im still young ok... im still 20! lolx. ok after a few more days i will not be.

Sometimes i really look back at all the sweet memories i had with my ex(s)
and looking at sweet couples on the streets it really makes me feel like
wanna get into a r/s again. especially when the people around me is either
attached or getting attached. And there are a few chances that comes during this past
2 months which i hesitated to catch, because i know i will going to be very busy.
Besides that i need to save money for my studies etc. And im not confident that i can provide my best for that someone now. It just isnt time.

And i dont really want it to end up the same way like the past... Cause i go
into a r/s thinking i could one day marry the other.

My better friends who know me better will most likely discourage me from going into a
r/s cause they know how badly i will fall if something bad happens and i cant afford
to at this crucial stage of my life when im trying to set my wrongs for the past 12
years of not studying hard enough right this time round.

So... ya. I wont be getting into a r/s anytime that soon. But love is unpredictable,
it comes when you least expects it and you cant hide nor run away from...


but for now i will be just contented by just looking at pretty girls! LoLs! :D

Good news!

Haha my days of worries is gone... at least part of it.

I received my letter of acceptance to my school! haha!

I was so worried that i wont make the cut cause i had a friend who applied a diploma part time through a case by case basis and got rejected twice. In the end he went to mdis instead.

Now for the stage 2 is completed now its time for stage 3... the subsidy approval. :)

But still I'm really happy so much so i called my friend and send this news via sms to a few others. haha!

Hopefully things will be much better in the year 2010.
Always thought the year 2009 sucks cause of some unpleasant major events that happened.

But still looking on the positive side i got closer to my friends after a lost, had more time for myself.... got to rid of a bad friend and gain a good friend...... and now... got into the course and school i want. :D

Had been starting to think and reflect alot on myself these few weeks after what sue lin told me via smses.... and yes shes the new friend i gained. I admire her a lot cause shes really hardworking and loving to her bf, and is always at least trying her best to stay positive even on the toughest times. I had quite a few good friends, but i think shes the one who will influence me for the better on my weaknesses.

Used to think that people who are optimistic are pathetic people who are always trying to lie to themselves, but to think of it again im also lying to myself that things are so bad when they are not as bad as it is? And too much of those negative thoughts are ruining me. It will take time to change but I will take this serious step now. Thanks sue lin. You are really sorta inspirational to me :)

And of course not to forget my good army friend jin qin for your advices and smses of encouragement :)

now i hope i can change for the better... and influence the many close people around me for the better too.

Getting out of shape :(

I have been really lazy since i started work.

Miss the ITE days when i gym with ryan....

Miss my army days when i gym with chang yip and gang...

Now im working... i am so unmotivated to gym.

Can only stay at home and do some pull ups... dumb bells... and push ups.

Sad.


My only hope.... pull up bar :(

Something funny that happened today morning

Ok. it started when i fell asleep. Being a light sleeper i will be awoken easily.

So it was 1.16am and i received this call from a unknown number.
And the phone was vibrating and vibrating.
Before i could pick it up it hung up.

And ya... the first person that came into my mind was somebody whom i wanted to contact so badly.... so i replied in sms and it starts... here it goes...

conversation with +6594828792

Me (1.17am)
who are you?

+6594828792 (1.20am)
I am Ajay, yesterday bus no130 u come readya.

+6594828792 (1.21am)
I sit yr back seat. u know

Me (1.23am)
I don understand what you are tryin to say

+6594828792 (1.25am)
Ur name.u know tamil?

Me (1.27am)
Fuck you understand. Now what time? call people. people sleeping you know? Fucking chee bye bangla.

Exact words in the conversation (copied and paste from my hp)

Alright i was really sleepy and everything. Was really hoping it was her (or maybe some cute girls LOL :D) but... hey hell! Some bangla or indian dude just call me in the middle of such unholy hour.... maybe I’m very vulgar towards him. But who cares. I’m vulgar.

The blue rampage

Chelsea 5-0 Blackburn

:D

once a blue... always a blue... being faithful to my love is my nature :p
11 years of support and still going.... it shall never end

Realised

I just came to notice that i always bare my heart and treat people whom i can trust sincerely and nice but its always me treating the other better than how they treated me.

Maybe i didnt have any right to expect something in return but it does at times makes me feel cheap knowing i care for them more than they do for me.

So... I'm really re-looking into my "friends"....

Am I putting them way higher in my heart than how he/she puts me in their heart?

D'ont understand?

Let me explain.

I may put the individual at level 10
but to that individual I'm placed at only level 5

Hope it does makes people understand.
All i wanted is not to be felt taken granted for.... and i hate the feeling of being "cheap".
Cause to me... true friends are very much cherished. And everything which is one way thingy... just isnt right... agree?

Something funny. but its nice really... :D

Virgin post

Alright. This blog is born long ago.... it was meant to be a blog exclusively for me and somebody... of the past. But it didn't take off. alright cut the craps.

Thought that a blog must reflect on it's owner.

hence.

I decided on this simple yet clean design.

Added songs that really make me feels. My favourites... do spend some time listening to them ok? Cause i believe that one can tell the other's personality through the other's song play list.

Maybe i should do a little self introduction.

Im a simple guy yet with complicated thoughts
Im much more sensitive than others
I use my heart more than my head
I'm stubborn but i do listen to what others had to say and keep it processed in my head
I love food
I love good looking things/people
Im used to procastinating
I live in a fantasy world in my head
I think of much more things than anybody of you reading this is
Likes stability
Often misunderstood by others
Emotional
Reflective

In short im just a typical scorpio and loving it :D