no yesterday. only today and tomorrow

I scored a double.... of been late 2 days in a row. Damn frustrating and embarrassing. Hope i won't be late tomorrow for work again. There are other better hat tricks to score than something like this.


Had been going out for lunch with the guys in the next office. They are rather senior in the company having work for years and attained a certain level of position in the company. Asked them lots of questions. I found out that I am all the while trying to fight with the rest comparing my time with others all this time.... Im still young but i make myself look like I'm in the mid 30s through my doom's day mentality. I make myself to be more dire than i actually is.

It's never too late. Theres a lot of things i planned for my future and the things i want to have and the kind of lifestyle i want to live.... It doesnt help when my family isnt rich. So everything is on me to crave something out of nothing by myself without any help from others. Its hard but i will do it. I give myself 10 years. 10 years after i wanna be at least somebody...

I want my children to not feel like how i feel now.


Its time to fight for my life.... my future

The question

I had a colleague of mine asking me this question randomly today

"so... kelvin... when are you going to get yourself a girlfriend?".

This sentence has popped up in front of my face for like quite a number
of times. And this week alone its the 5th time.

Hmm sounds like im some guy who is nearing forties and yet not married. LOL.
Im still young ok... im still 20! lolx. ok after a few more days i will not be.

Sometimes i really look back at all the sweet memories i had with my ex(s)
and looking at sweet couples on the streets it really makes me feel like
wanna get into a r/s again. especially when the people around me is either
attached or getting attached. And there are a few chances that comes during this past
2 months which i hesitated to catch, because i know i will going to be very busy.
Besides that i need to save money for my studies etc. And im not confident that i can provide my best for that someone now. It just isnt time.

And i dont really want it to end up the same way like the past... Cause i go
into a r/s thinking i could one day marry the other.

My better friends who know me better will most likely discourage me from going into a
r/s cause they know how badly i will fall if something bad happens and i cant afford
to at this crucial stage of my life when im trying to set my wrongs for the past 12
years of not studying hard enough right this time round.

So... ya. I wont be getting into a r/s anytime that soon. But love is unpredictable,
it comes when you least expects it and you cant hide nor run away from...


but for now i will be just contented by just looking at pretty girls! LoLs! :D

Good news!

Haha my days of worries is gone... at least part of it.

I received my letter of acceptance to my school! haha!

I was so worried that i wont make the cut cause i had a friend who applied a diploma part time through a case by case basis and got rejected twice. In the end he went to mdis instead.

Now for the stage 2 is completed now its time for stage 3... the subsidy approval. :)

But still I'm really happy so much so i called my friend and send this news via sms to a few others. haha!

Hopefully things will be much better in the year 2010.
Always thought the year 2009 sucks cause of some unpleasant major events that happened.

But still looking on the positive side i got closer to my friends after a lost, had more time for myself.... got to rid of a bad friend and gain a good friend...... and now... got into the course and school i want. :D

Had been starting to think and reflect alot on myself these few weeks after what sue lin told me via smses.... and yes shes the new friend i gained. I admire her a lot cause shes really hardworking and loving to her bf, and is always at least trying her best to stay positive even on the toughest times. I had quite a few good friends, but i think shes the one who will influence me for the better on my weaknesses.

Used to think that people who are optimistic are pathetic people who are always trying to lie to themselves, but to think of it again im also lying to myself that things are so bad when they are not as bad as it is? And too much of those negative thoughts are ruining me. It will take time to change but I will take this serious step now. Thanks sue lin. You are really sorta inspirational to me :)

And of course not to forget my good army friend jin qin for your advices and smses of encouragement :)

now i hope i can change for the better... and influence the many close people around me for the better too.

Getting out of shape :(

I have been really lazy since i started work.

Miss the ITE days when i gym with ryan....

Miss my army days when i gym with chang yip and gang...

Now im working... i am so unmotivated to gym.

Can only stay at home and do some pull ups... dumb bells... and push ups.

Sad.


My only hope.... pull up bar :(

Something funny that happened today morning

Ok. it started when i fell asleep. Being a light sleeper i will be awoken easily.

So it was 1.16am and i received this call from a unknown number.
And the phone was vibrating and vibrating.
Before i could pick it up it hung up.

And ya... the first person that came into my mind was somebody whom i wanted to contact so badly.... so i replied in sms and it starts... here it goes...

conversation with +6594828792

Me (1.17am)
who are you?

+6594828792 (1.20am)
I am Ajay, yesterday bus no130 u come readya.

+6594828792 (1.21am)
I sit yr back seat. u know

Me (1.23am)
I don understand what you are tryin to say

+6594828792 (1.25am)
Ur name.u know tamil?

Me (1.27am)
Fuck you understand. Now what time? call people. people sleeping you know? Fucking chee bye bangla.

Exact words in the conversation (copied and paste from my hp)

Alright i was really sleepy and everything. Was really hoping it was her (or maybe some cute girls LOL :D) but... hey hell! Some bangla or indian dude just call me in the middle of such unholy hour.... maybe I’m very vulgar towards him. But who cares. I’m vulgar.

The blue rampage

Chelsea 5-0 Blackburn

:D

once a blue... always a blue... being faithful to my love is my nature :p
11 years of support and still going.... it shall never end

Realised

I just came to notice that i always bare my heart and treat people whom i can trust sincerely and nice but its always me treating the other better than how they treated me.

Maybe i didnt have any right to expect something in return but it does at times makes me feel cheap knowing i care for them more than they do for me.

So... I'm really re-looking into my "friends"....

Am I putting them way higher in my heart than how he/she puts me in their heart?

D'ont understand?

Let me explain.

I may put the individual at level 10
but to that individual I'm placed at only level 5

Hope it does makes people understand.
All i wanted is not to be felt taken granted for.... and i hate the feeling of being "cheap".
Cause to me... true friends are very much cherished. And everything which is one way thingy... just isnt right... agree?

Something funny. but its nice really... :D

Virgin post

Alright. This blog is born long ago.... it was meant to be a blog exclusively for me and somebody... of the past. But it didn't take off. alright cut the craps.

Thought that a blog must reflect on it's owner.

hence.

I decided on this simple yet clean design.

Added songs that really make me feels. My favourites... do spend some time listening to them ok? Cause i believe that one can tell the other's personality through the other's song play list.

Maybe i should do a little self introduction.

Im a simple guy yet with complicated thoughts
Im much more sensitive than others
I use my heart more than my head
I'm stubborn but i do listen to what others had to say and keep it processed in my head
I love food
I love good looking things/people
Im used to procastinating
I live in a fantasy world in my head
I think of much more things than anybody of you reading this is
Likes stability
Often misunderstood by others
Emotional
Reflective

In short im just a typical scorpio and loving it :D