Heart hurts

I dont know why, but whenever i cough my hearts hurts, its not a sharp pain... but just... hurts, numb kind of hurt, i coughed really hard, its a habit.... i hope nothing serious.

The untold story behind... their ugly face

Most of the time people do things for a reason, And be it ugly for the public to see or utterly disgusting to the moral standards of the majority.... think of it... do they like what they are doing? they may be smiling, but deep in their heart do you know how they felt and what drives them to do these....? There will be ultimately sad story behind the ugly things they do, a story that can be left unknown forever in the dark.

Please they are also human... care for them... understand them. For after all they are just the undisclosed minority or even majority of the victims of society this fucking world drives them to do.

Im back! Finally

I gave myself sometime off this blog because i feel that i need to. I know if i dont i would just continue writing emotional trash. Reading all my previous entries make make me ask myself, "Why on earth am i so crazy over that girl"... Well afterall shes someone who got a new bf after 1 week and 4 days of breaking up with a 2 years +++ relationship with me. Gosh... Its been 1 year 4 months and 26 days since she broken up with me. Oh pardon me, im pretty good at dates. :p Alright many things happened within the time of my absence here. Too many to list everything down. So...

first of all i would like to congratulate myself for getting my own laptop (gaming-entertainment)!

I got myself an Asus N61JQ during march this year at the PC show.

The specs are....

CPU: Intel core i7 920QM
RAM: 4GB RAM 1366hz
GPU: ATI Radeon HD 5730 1GB
HDD: 640GB
ODD: 4x Blue-Ray Rom
OS: Window 7 premium 64-bit
Screen: 16"

Its not a true breed gaming laptop but it handles crysis warhead on all high settings without lags even in intense gun fights, GTA 4 on high settings, fear 2 all maxed out, Modern Warfare 2 all maxed out and L4D2 all maxed out.

Threw away my old computer which is already dead and beyond hope for 5 years and with a little arranging and tidying up my computer-gaming-entertainment corner looks like this now...


But being a sentimental guy (im really seriously sentimental) which explains why i took so long to discharge my old computer... i dismantle my computer and kept this for memories sake...



The "brain"! hahaha! Pentium 4 CPU. I fondly remember myself playing counterstrike beta- version 1.5 and counterstrike condition zero on this computer, not forgetting age of empires 2, red alert 2, starcraft, Roller coaster tycoon 2, diablo 2, red fraction 1 and 2, never winter nights and many other games on my old computer. Well those are memories, and im very particular about memories :) good ones that is...

Lets move on to gaming wise.... Been fooling around with fear 2 and GTA 4 during these times, and seriously fear 2 is not that scary as people think, at least it doesnt really scare me... pretty ok game not as nice as i thought, GTA 4 is a better one, the first GTA i played was GTA 2 on Play station 1 (Grey colour one if your memory fails you.), it was in 2D and it was fun, and oops i was 8 or younger when i played that? lols. And so far i played GTA 3, GTA vice city, GTA san andreas and yess... now GTA 4! Its a pretty good stress killer game :)

After awhile i went back to Maplestory, after 3 years of absence (played it because of my ex in the past) because some of my close friends are playing... chiong a new character from start from level 1 to lvl 136 and my friend account got hacked, and so not playing anymore. I can say Maple is very different from the time i last played, easier to play, easier to level, more fun, more heros/characters.... yeah you get the picture. But i dont dare to play it in public because people might think "wah this guy so old liao still play maple... childish sia". Lols.

And so after awhile i stopped i came across a newspaper article, (yes i like reading newspaper). About this All-girls singapore dota team, "PMS|Asterisk*". First that attracted me was the word "DOTA" and next is "ALL GIRLS TEAM". It is pretty interesting to see girls enjoying dota and appreciating the beauty of DOTA, the teamwork, the brains and tactics and the skills..... I remember my Ex complaining to me how boring dota is compared to other games she see me play... What makes dota so addicting is not it's graphics (its outdated graphics anyway), it is the teamwork, and the amount of alertness and brains you need. Gosh I remembered how i used to join dota because of my army friends... As i did more research about the clan PMS|Asterisk*. I found out many similarities, they each have different personality which i could relate to the different team mates of mine. Memories flooded my head and i really miss the old times, when we play dota together, scolding each other (we actually enjoyed it), poking fun at each other.... have you ever come across a team whereby i was scolded really badly and yet both of us are laughing away like mad? Well thats us... :)

Anyway while doing some google research about the clan i found some weird people who really just criticize and criticize, saying nothing but bad things about the clan. Those things range from their skills in dota all the way to the make ups they put. I mean what the fuck...? No no seriously... what the fuck? Whats wrong with girls putting on make ups? Seriously who are you to criticize such things of them? About their skills please dont just talk, let the game do the talking, if you have balls just challenge them and stop talking trash. They may not be like the prettiest group of girls in the whole wide world (but they are rather cute and decent looking) but their passion for dota is really admirable. All those effort they put in and everything they do, i salute them for it.

Now i truly understand the saying that when you are on the top there are truck loads of people waiting to pull you down. They are the tops and i deeply respect them. And as for the gaming arena there are still bound to be people who are sexist, those "girls cant play well to save their lives, girls cant win guys in gaming blah blah". Well... The world is changing dudes, girls are venturing into areas where guys used to dominate in the past, For example engineering, there are so many female engineers out there now and they proved that they can at least match up to their opposite sex. The same applies to all.

Alright let me move on to DOTA.

My favorite character

I have a few favorite character namely, veno, DK, RK, axe... simply quite a few. But one that stands out to be the one i had feelings for is the axe


I have the same character as the axe, the closest i can say... i love going forward, i love tanking, and yea... my personality is almost the same as axe. But sadly it is not a good late gamer. But who cares when im owning them early and giving no chance for a late game. :D

My favorite lane partner



Arron aka Pyrokim. I love to lane with him. Because we really help each other a lot, and lane-ing with him is a blast, we would abuse each other verbally while laughing, even when he is not in the same lane with me he would still abuse me all the way from the far end lane. And yes i love to verbally abuse him too haha! We have pretty good teamwork also....

so long for today... :)

Just say yes by snow patrol

1st song on my playlist in this blog

I'm running out of ways to make you see
I want you to stay here beside me
I won't be ok and I won't pretend I am
So just tell me today and take my hand
Please take my hand
Please take my hand

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind
Only love

It's so simple and you know it is
You know it is, yeah
We can't be to and fro like this
All our lives
You're the only way to me
The path is clear
What do I have to say to you
For Gods sake, dear
For Gods sake, dear
For Gods sake, dear
For Gods sake, dear
For Gods sake, dear

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind
Only love

Just say yes, coz Im aching and I know you are too
For the touch of your warm skin
As I breathe you in

I can feel your heart beat through my shirt
This was all I wanted, all I want
Its all I want
Its all I want
Its all I want
Its all I want

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind
Only love

Just say yes, coz Im aching and I know you are too
For the touch of your warm skin
As I breathe you in

When things goes wrong....

...... you just gonna take a good look at yourself first before pointing fingers at other outside factors and other people. Because most of the time.... the actual person to blame and fault is nobody else but you yourself.

Yes. Me....

But i only gave myself 5 mins of time to feel remorse about it. After that.... lets just move on. And be a better person... by doing so... its the best apology you can give to whoever who deserves it.

Anyway... life goes on... doesn't it?

The empty feeling.

Dont ask me i dont know why myself.

Why im feeling empty. Like.... missing something important in my life but yet cant figure out what it is.

Sometimes i can feel really happy, but among the happiness i felt, there is this empty feeling lurking around behind it.

What is missing in me?


By the way... Ryan has returned from china! woohooo! haha.

Watched ninja assassin with ryan today at cathay. It was a really cool and nice movie. All the actions.... fantastic! Had aston for early dinner before our movie and went to vivocity after that. We had a common hobby.... eyeballing attractive girls :D

Haha! Its a nice outing anyway :)

:(

Went out to celebrate jin qin's birthday... supposed to be happy event...

but...

i lost my mp3... with my expensive earphone...

sian.

no mood to elaborate any further

sighs